How do i regain my wifes trust, at least some of it?

Over the course of 3 years I have done some really stupid things that has totally ruined the trust that my wife had in me. She never really fully trusted me in what I had to say or anything I did from day one. She had good reason and I wanted more than anything for her to trust me. I had treated her really bad the first 2 years we dated and she kept her distance then my world totally fell apart and I needed someone and she was there for me and helped me get through a tuff time and get back on my feet. And to be honest I kept crapping on her, she just kept plugging away about getting her life together and takeing care of her 4 kids and my 5kids. She kept telling me that she did not have time for my bull and as soon as my 3 boys were big enough to fend for theirselves she was gone. So when the 2 oldest got out of the house and the 3rd one started his Senior year and moved in with his girlfriend, she did just that, she moved 200 miles away from me. I missed her something horrible and promised to change and do better if she would just come home and marry me. She refused to give her home, job and new life up for me but agreed to give me another chance, but at a long distance relationship. I wanted her back so I agreed. The woman stayed on my back even harder because we were so far apart. After awhile I promised her that is she would just marry me I would make things work by comeing to live with her in her new home and find work there. She agreed and we talked about it and then made plans to get married. I even screwed that up, we were supposed to go to KY get married and spend a romantic weekend away alone. well to start off with I was 6 hours late to get married, I showed up in dirty clothes and smelled of alcohol and marijuana, but she still married me, chalked it up to me being scared. Then when I said i didn't have a ring for her but she had one for me, she still went through with it and said ';I DO';, then as we left to drive to our weekend get-away that she so thoughtfully planned and reserved, I decided to go back to my home instead and we sat on the couch and watched TV and I got drunk. I stayed that way and she left and went back home. I disappointed my wife but she stuck by me. Then I got into trouble agin and ended up on house arrest for the entire summer, 3 long months so I could not go see her, she would come down once a week, do my errands (store, laundry, bank, bills, post office) not speak and go home. By this time I had gotten so depressed that i had 3 affairs on her between May and August, when I got off house arrest, she gave me divorce papers. I asked ';why now?'; And she told me that she didn't want to make my situation any worse but she was done and to please just take the divorce papers to my attorney, go over them and sign them. She asked me for nothing but a signature and her name back. Well of course I refused to let go that easy, so I started going up to spend every weekend with her and then meet her in the middle every tuesday just trying to fix thing. She didn't really want me in her home on a full time basis. She spent time with me and started to forgive me and let me into her life under her conditions and I agreed. well the day before thanksgiving i screwed up again and got into trouble and this time I lost my job. So now I am with her full-time, there is no excuse not to be. She chewed on me very hard for a week and is angry with me. She says everytime I get into trouble i run and hide behind her and she is right. Otherwise I dont want to be here. She wont hear me out on anything, she just says dont talk to me and then you wont lie to me anymore. She lets me stay, cooks for me and takes care of me, but we dont talk and dont communicate. She works nites 4 days a week. When she is home at nite she sleeps on the couch away from me and this just smothers me, I lay awake and watch her sleep. If she falls asleep on her bed and i lay down she gets up to leave. She wont confide in me and just tells me that she is doing what is right until I can take care of myself agin. Our 1st wedding anniversary was on Dec 7th. She never even acknowledged it. I reminded her about 9pm that nite by telling her what day it was and that it was our anniversary and she just said ';I Know'; and kept watching TV. She has never cheated on me or done me wrong in any manner. She is good to me and the list of things I have done to her is so long and so wrong I cant take them back.



I want my wife to love me and trust me. I want to keep her and have a family and a home. She has so much to offer and a good heart. But I dont know where or how to start. I cant make her forget all I have done but I wish I could get her to see how I will do better and make a difference.How do i regain my wifes trust, at least some of it?
Have you ever looked in a mirror and seen your potential? Your wife has obviously seen things in you that you do not. No woman would stay with you behaving the way you did, unless she seen human compassion, true talent, and a heart worth its weight in the pain you have caused her. With the amount of time she has loved you, I would say yes you have a chance. But you must stop the petty poor me behavior. You messed up but you are redeemable. Get a job, clean up around the house. Do nice things for her (make a bath for her with candles, cook dinner, clean the one part of the house that she hates) show that you are worthy and sorry. Tell her you love her every day, even if she doesnt respond she will know. Know that she will never forget what you have done but they will fade to a distant memory. When you leave the house leave notes, call when you get there and when you are on your way home. Do for her what she has done for you, love her and support her, and do not give up if you truly love her. You can do it, just stop saying what is it you should do and use her as your role model.How do i regain my wifes trust, at least some of it?
Are you for real? You are lucky she gave you more than one chance. There is no way I would have married you second time around with you showing up late, etc etc. Give her up man and let her enjoy life with someone who will appreciate her, even being by herself is better than being with you.
Honesty + Consistency = Trust



You are going to have to do what you say you will do for a long while before you are going to get the results you want. With a track record like you described it is going to take time and energy for her to believe you again. Blessings and long on your journey. She sounds like she is certainly worth it!!!!
So, be lovable and trustworthy. Quit being a nightmare of a leech. Sounds like you could use AA, where you might learn how to be the man she deserves. But something tells me this is all feel sorry for myself talk. Why change? She takes care of you, right?
You say she has so much to offer but what have you offered her? What are willing to do for her? She took care of your kids while you had fun. It sounds like she's done but the only way you are going to make it work if there is a remote chance is by praying and getting your life together.



I've seen the Lord do miracles in many, many marriages before. You never know. Besides, what do you have to lose now?
Your are a complete loser, and she must be an idiot with a big heart.

Only in Kentucky.
Ahh.... you're wife's so sweet:) I think you should do something that she will really love. ya know like take her out 2 dinner or buy her something special. She'll probably love you again
Wow, you are one lucky dog man. I don't really understand you.

I also don't understand why she's putting up with you on her couch.

Since you didn't get her a present for your anniversary I think it's over.

You need to get a job and get out, basically. Once you have something to offer her, you should call her. She clearly loves you.
Ya know???



I read this, and I'd have walked away from you years ago, hon....kids or no kids...... Marriage is Admiration Respect Passion and Trust. There is nothing you are that is admirable, anything to respect or have passion for, and you have already admitted the trust is gone.... Hon, when the trust is gone, by all the crap that you pulled, the rest of it is in the toilet. You don't have a marriage, hon....



And unless she is willing to get into therapy to correct all this (unlikely) you stay under her terms.
well its going to be hard, your going to have to completely create a new history for yourself. get a good job, and tell her about that. maybe just start by calling her every once in a while, and telling her about all the things you are willing to do to make a difference. its going to take a while but im sure you can do it.
You don't deserve her, the fact that she has taken you back so many times and that you are in her house is mind blowing!! There is no way to win someone's trust back after all that you have done. If you TRUELY love her...let her go, get out of her life and don't allow her to waste even one more minute taking care of you or doing anything for you. Give her her life back, you can't give her back all the years you have taken from her but you can let her start living her life for her instead of waiting until the next time you do her wrong AGAIN, and you will you know it and I know it
wow.... uhhh.. well.... first off.... you suck



and kudos to her for staying with a loser..... if my husband ever even THOUGHT of doing half the crap you did he would have his *** handed to him, and would be denied of even acknowledging that he knew me....



it doesn't even sound like you are trying... not one bit... it honestly sounds like a bunch of whining about how bad your life is.. or wait how bad you've made her life... and how you refuse to change it....





i think at this point you should take a broom and sweep up whatever dignity you have left and ruin someone else's life and leave her to be happy with someone else that will appreciate her and treat her the way that she deserves to be treated....







maybe you should fix your problems so that you can have something to offer her.... besides more for her to clean up
wow. you are on peice of crap husband but for some odd reason she sees something in you and obviously loves you like no other. you should be thanking your stars shes still around to save your a** every time you screw up cuz i guarantee after a while i would have left you to figure it out yourself. whats wrong with you??! why on earth would you do these things to a woman who is like...the best women ever i swear? you really dont deserve her. you should get a job and get out and let her be. i really think that if you do love her...you should let her move on and be with a guy who would treat her like a princess. she DEFINATELY deserves it. i know your in pain...but sayin is...if you love something let it go. LET HER MOVE ON and quit ruining her life. you need to work on yourself. then maybe when your done bettering yourself maybe just then shell still be around for you...